Loss And Regret
by MidnightShadow07
Summary: "If only he could just admit that he was sacred of what he was feeling, of losing her because he couldn't get to her fast enough. To always putting her in danger because of his nightly activities and of her help! But she deserves better." One-shot Sequel to So Much More


**A/N: The title is from** _ **Arrow**_ **Season 1 Soundtrack of the same name and the lyrics throughout the story is from Adele's song,** _ **Hello**_ **.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognized, they belong to their rightful owners. I only own the idea.**

 **Loss And Regret**

 _I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet,_

 _There's such a_ _ **difference**_ _between us,_

 _ **And a million miles…**_

Oliver sighs, angrily jumping up the salmon ladder, his mind reeling in the past year since Felicity had left them to live and work in New York. Neither Diggle nor Roy have told him where she worked, believing that he wasn't trusted as he might do something stupid…like go after her and bring her back. Plus, they both said that it was Felicity's trust that she needed to tell him, not them. Oliver cried out when he missed a hook, falling to the floor on his back. Groaning, he threw the bar away, slowly sitting up to stop the stinging from hurting even more than it was.

The twenty-nine year old wasn't stupid. He knew that both Diggle and Roy were getting Intel and help from Felicity, even from so far away. He just hated that they thought that they had to keep it a secret from him. If it helped bring these bad guys down a lot quicker, then Oliver didn't care _**where**_ that damn Intel came from so long as he was able to capture them before they brought on any more harm on to his city!

Sighing, Oliver stood up and walked towards the wooden dummies, grabbing a wooden stick along the way. He went at it as his mind started reeling back to the day they had to bury Sara in the grave that was already there for her. How devastated Felicity looked, but Roy having to comfort her as he couldn't cope with the loss himself and trying to comfort Laura as well. Being that this was the second time that she had bury her sister again, this time with a body to actually bury.

He had understood Felicity's meaning when she had wanted more than him hiding and just waiting to die. Because that was his life since he's returned from the island. He wasn't trying to hide, but for the last eight years he _**had**_ to hide, waiting for death to finally claim him as it had claimed Sara. Oliver just didn't want Felicity to get in the crosshairs if that ever came to happen, just like when the Count had kidnapped her in order to bring him out to the open. Sometimes he wished that he had never walked into her office in the IT Department, then Felicity would have never been in danger, nor would she had left Starling City.

Then again, if he had never gotten to her and brought her on to help with his mission from the beginning, Oliver doubted that he would have lived long enough than the three years he's been back. Nor would he have stopped killing, and for that he _**was**_ grateful that Felicity had helped changed his mind. He didn't want to be a murderer anymore. He didn't want to be the guy that he was on the island–as well as off of it–knowing only one thing and that was to kill.

No, he was grateful for her light, it helped chased his demons away and his past. She had made him a better person, and make him _**want**_ to be a better person, than what he was before and during his life on that damn island. Sometimes Oliver had to think back on how his life would have been if he ever met Felicity during his teenage or college years. Would he have been a way better person than his partying and sleeping around ways? Or would her light have never even touched that part of him?

 _Hello from the other side,_

 _I_ _ **must've called**_ _a_ _ **thousand times**_ _,_

 _To tell you_ _ **I'm sorry**_ _for_ _ **everything**_ _that_ _ **I've done**_ _,_

 _But when I call you_ _ **never**_ _seem to be_ _ **home**_ _._

Oliver yells out, breaking the stick on the wooden dummy, as he thought over the years that Felicity has been there for him–for _**all**_ of them–and just how much her presences had meant. She was truly the light in their darkness and he had pushed it away…pushed it away so far that there was no possible way of getting her back at all. Why couldn't he just admit what it was that he was feeling since the first time he had seen her looking lost with a red pen between her teeth? If only he could just admit that he was sacred of what he was feeling, of losing her because he couldn't get to her fast enough. To _**always**_ putting her in danger because of his nightly activities and of her help!

But she deserves better.

She deserves _**more**_ than the life he had given her, without the prospect of looking over her shoulder or even waiting for death to claim her…or claim _**any**_ of them. No, Felicity was right in telling him that she deserved more in her life than waiting for death and she shouldn't have to been in that position in making that decision. _**He**_ shouldn't have put her in that position from the start, and her leaving was now on him. Whether or not that Diggle and Roy say it secretly in their words or looks, Oliver knew that they blame him for Felicity leaving the team.

Hell, _**he**_ blames himself for making Felicity leave! But he was grateful for her help and that she had never stopped–even if it was only through both Diggle and Roy. Both men had truly thought that he was incompetent of using a computer, but he knew the truth of where Felicity was–it also didn't help that she was on the television as well due to her cousin's boyfriend being Tony Stark, aka Iron Man. And thanks to all the fancy _Stark_ technology, Felicity is able to find things way quicker than what she could have if she was still there in Starling City. Sometimes he had to wonder if that was good or bad thing, especially considering who and how Felicity was with hi-tech technology around her and at her fingertips.

Sure, it was a good thing because of all the arrest and making crime get lower thanks to that technology at the tips of her fingertips– _ **literally**_ –but it can also be a bad thing because if someone was to trace Felicity back to the fact that she knew Stark, she could become a potential target even bigger than when she worked for him. Then again, he and his friends–the Avengers–could protect her way better than he could have–though he would have given his life to protect her, and he's done it a couple of times since she became part of the team.

Walking towards the desk holding the computer, Oliver looks down at his phone sitting next to his water bottle, picking it up. He wasn't sure how many times he had called, leaving message after message, even texting her, apologizing in so many ways and in so many words that were his own. But she never once answered or returned any of his messages. Oliver had to wonder if she even forgave him at all or if she ever well? It has been a year, after all.

With a sigh, he picks up his phone once more and dials the number that he knew by heart.

 _Hello from the outside,_

 _At_ _ **least**_ _I can say that I've_ _ **tried**_ _,_

 _To tell you_ _ **I'm sorry**_ _for_ _ **breaking your heart**_ _,_

 _But it don't matter,_

 _It_ _ **clearly**_ _doesn't tear_ _ **you**_ _apart_ _ **anymore**_ _._

"Hey Felicity, it's Oliver again." he starts after he hears the beep, his girl Wednesday not picking up once again. "When you get a chance, please call me back." he paused, wondering if it was even worth continuing to try and get a hold of her. "This would probably be the last time I'll try to get a hold of you. So, if you still don't want to hear anything I have to say, at least trust when I say that I _**am**_ truly sorry for everything. Bye."

Hanging up, Oliver toss his phone on to the desk and grabs the water bottle, his hands poised to open it before he threw it at the far wall angrily. He didn't want it to be the last time that he tried to contact her, to apologize for his stubbornness and pig-headedness, but he also didn't want to continue to harass her. Just because he missed her and regrets not having her near him, doesn't mean that he should continue to badger her into forgiving him. She needed time and space, if it should take a few more months, or even _**years**_ , then so be it.

"She's happy, you know." Oliver turns around surprise to see Diggle walking towards him with his bottle of vodka and two glasses. "She's truly happy in New York, being close to her cousin and working for Stark amongst all that hi-tech technology."

Oliver frowns, taking hold of the glass that Diggle hands him. "I know, but I just want her to know that I am sorry and to forgive me."

"And to bring her home." Diggle adds, taking a sip of his drink. "Trust me when I say, Oliver, that Felicity knew what she was doing and what she needed to do. Moving to New York was what _**she**_ needed and it suits her." he finishes the vodka, placing the glass on a desk nearby, "If you continue to force her to come, she'll only fight back harder and never forgive you. Just leave her be, she'll come around." he places a hand on his friend's shoulder, smiling sadly. "She's moved on, man, and you need to too. Trust me when I say, Felicity will _**always**_ be there for us, but she has a life in New York that she isn't willingly to leave _**any**_ time soon. Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow."

Oliver frowns down at the glass as Diggle leaves, his convection of how much happier Felicity was in New York, and despite that she was still helping them so far away, playing over and over in his head. At least they were able to get the missions done faster since she was using all that high technology made by Stark. Who knew that their little IT girl knew people in high–and he meant, _**high**_ –places in the world. But he still needed to see her, if not able to convince her to come back then to apologize for the way he acted and pushing her away. It was the least he can do, despite that she may never forgive him.

He sighs, downing his glass and slamming it a bit forcedly on the desk. Perhaps it was time to move and just let things be bygones. Besides, if Felicity was truly happy and had moved on, then his apologize won't even faze her anymore and there was no point of continuing. At least he tried, and for now that's all it should matter…right? And, anyways, with what's happened doesn't seem to faze her anymore either, so why should he continue to dwell on it too? Yes, he'll listen to Diggle and try to move on. It was the least he can do for Felicity.

For now.


End file.
